Musings of Motherhood and Maryn’s frozen Placenta…
We grow a whole organ and human! How cool is that.
One of my newer goals as a mother of three is to incorporate more things for myself back into my life. Typically I chose exercise, but lately exercise has left me feeling so utterly exhausted. Exhaustion then leads to an emotional roller coaster and sometimes uncontrolled rage (I am tempted to start taking pictures of sh*t I broke postpartum just to keep track of the destruction). So I have decided to use writing as my creative outlet and hopefully save many objects from my destructive force.
Please excuse the typos and grammar because I am a sleep deprived mom of three trying to run a business, parent gently, care for mother earth, re-connect to my inner feminine, build a supportive community and so much more.
Musings of motherhood and a frozen placenta?
This weekend I finally gave my daughter’s placenta a proper resting place in our wildflower garden. It sat in my freezer for nearly three months after a peaceful home birth that brought Maryn, my youngest daughter earth side. What drove me to suddenly bury my placenta? Come join me on my somewhat odd journey.
Let’s start at the beginning!
After the birth of my first daughter, the depth of love and intensity of emotions startled me. I came face to face with a feminine side I did not think I possessed. Society made me believe that the characteristics that I wanted to embody as a mother were not useful or beneficial to be so called “successful.” I dearly wanted to slow down and just breathe in my daughter. Just stop time and be one with her. Sadly, I did what any overly driven woman would do, I ignored my inner desires and got back to working and pushing way too early. Then a few years later I gave birth to my son, and the same emotions and feelings came back but more intensely. I started to listen to my inner voice and began to ignore that annoying voice telling me to keep pushing and wear my fatigue as a badge of honor. I became a business owner and I tried to create a little glimmer of hope in this mess of a healthcare system. I made time to listen and learn and it was hard but oh so exciting.
Then this year I grew and then gave birth to my third tiny human, a girl, and my world exploded. The pregnancy and postpartum period have been so challenging. This fact has really sent me down some mental death spirals. What am I doing wrong that has made pregnancy and postpartum so challenging? I eat, sleep, and breathe women's health. If I can’t figure out how to do this somewhat gracefully, how could I possibly help other women navigate this phase of life. Yeah, my inner critic was super loud and continues to be a bit obnoxious.
Maybe I am not the problem. Maybe it is society that has placed so many obstacles in my way that no amount of planning and consideration can smooth out the potholes. I like this answer because I am free of fault. While I think there is a lot of truth to this, I don’t think it is the full answer.
If I am being honest to myself I still don’t listen to that inner voice or really I don’t know how to hear her. So I have been trying to learn from people who are deeply connected to their inner and outer spiritual self. Most recently, I have been reading and listening to “Mothering from your Center, “ by Tammy Lee Kent, a physical therapist, craniosacral therapist and energy worker. As a recovering engineer, I find her work very challenging to wrap my head around. Despite this I am often moved to tears listening to her stories. She told a story about the birth of her son. She went to bury her son’s placenta and her husband dropped it on the ground. It didn’t make a sound, but her son startled in her arms because of the strong energy connection he still felt with his placenta.
It may very well have been a moro (startle) reflex, but my mind immediately went to my daughter Maryn’s placenta just sitting there in the freezer. If Maryn is still energetically connected to this organ that sustained her life for 9 months then ahhhh, she must be so uncomfortable. My logical brain felt ridiculous, but that didn’t stop me from going straight inside and pulling the placenta out of the freezer. I then enlisted the help of Beckett and Sydney (my older two kids) and we dug a hole in our wild flower garden and placed the placenta into the earth. Maryn seemed unphased by the whole event, but she slept the soundest she has ever slept that night and is snoozing next to me right now. Likely a total coincidence, but I shall continue on this journey of connecting/finding my inner feminine (I bet she is pretty rad) and finding peace in this postpartum/motherhood journey.
