To me it is more than a breast pump!

Why I hate my breast pump!

I hate my breast pump.

I stare at it sitting there and I can’t get myself to use it this pregnancy. It brings back memories of countless hours spent anxiously pumping food for my daughter, now 5, and son, now 3, so I could return to work sooner than I wanted to.

Some say it frees us, so other people can support us and help feed our children. Maybe I don’t want help feeding my child. Maybe I want support in other ways so that I can be free to do what my body was built to do, feed my baby.

After baby one I thought I should feel privileged to have insurance that covered my pump and that I was a lucky one. Instead I always felt stressed to find a time to pump, in pain from the oversupply my pump caused, fearful that I was going to get another clog or mastitis again, and then trapped pumping alone far away from my baby.

I heard comments from older people say how lucky I was and they didn’t have cool equipment like that back then. I would shake my head yes, but inside I never felt lucky. Yes there are so many cool pumps out there, but they are all aimed at the same goal. Free us so we can do work. Work to make money, work around the house, work in any form. No time to stop and rest and soak in motherhood. Just work.

What if instead of making products like pumps we offered to do the housework or other random tasking for mom while she connected with her baby. What if we offered paid family leave for a year during this huge physically and emotionally transformative time for mom and baby. Then mom and baby could just take a breath. They could connect and heal and prosper. Ahh that last option just feels so good in my body, but goes so against the mainstream perspective. Why is it that the option that 100% aligns with our physical design seems like the crazy perspective? Just my thoughts as I again sit here staring at my breast pump.